Looking back...

I haven’t blogged in far too long. If I were a person who made New Year’s resolutions, I would say my resolution is to blog at least once a month in 2014, but as I don’t make resolutions (since they’re never kept) this statement may not come true. None-the-less I will try to make a better start by writing this first blog of 2014!

A lot happened to me in 2013, I mean a lot; a bunch of great things and new experiences, and also some times of tears and loneliness. Such is life, highs and lows are an integral part of the human experience.

To start off 2014, I’d like to share a few of the highs from the past year. This list is not in order of importance, nor is it exhaustive. I find it impossible to rank and summarize a comprehensive list of the ‘best’ experiences, and instead offer these few snapshots of some of the many things I’m thankful for from 2013.

Worship service at Berna Mennonite church

• People. One word with so incredibly much meaning. I really cannot find the right way to describe how thankful I am, how much it means to me, to have relationships with people who share their love and support. My family and friends at home who sent me with their blessing to Colombia. The MCC and MWC community who received me. The new relationships I started in 2013 with so many wonderful people in Colombia. It changes everything to have friends, to have close friendships, people I care about and who care about me.
• Church. Intrinsically tied to people, as the church is people. I want to mention it on its own, because it is such an important part of my life, my faith. God has chosen to work through his people, his church. Being a part of a church community has always been a huge part of my life, and the encouragement and love I get from Eben-Ezer means so much. And finding a church community in Bogotá has been a great change for me. Now I have a church family here, one that I can’t wait to see every week.
• Colombia… the land and its people. I’ve been blessed to have already seen a number of different parts of Colombia. Each region is beautiful in its own way, and has its own cultural differences. Some of my favourite trips have been when people from the area hosted me and showed me around, though being a tourist in other places was fun too!
• MWC and the YABs committee. When I took this position in Colombia, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to go to the YABs committee meeting in May 2013, in Pennsylvania, USA. I knew I would have to leave my position on the YABs committee, and I really loved the work we did, and working with that wonderful group of people. That was actually one of the hardest parts of my decision. I never could have imagined that in my new role with MCC and MWC that I would still be able to go to that meeting, and stay on helping the committee as a consultant. Now I’m far more involved in MWC and I love it!
• Being Creative. My life here in Bogotá has a different rhythm than it did in Abbotsford, and because of that I’ve been able to spend times doing things that I hadn’t done in years. I’ve crocheted more than I ever had in my life (warm crocheted things are great in the Bogotá cold!). I’ve done more creative writing (though more does need to find its way to this blog) and I’ve started painting again. I’m also thankful for new skills and experiences, like learning salsa, merengue, and bachata.
• Feeling at home. It took a while, but after many weeks my apartment has turned into a home. I really do love living here. It feels wonderful to come home after a long day, or to invite people over as we have a great space for hosting. The kitchen is amazing and has lots of room to cook whatever ideas I get. And my roommate is pretty awesome too.

Once I start going I can write a lot, and this post is already longer than I planned. So let me finish by saying thanks be to God for all these blessings. I have much to be grateful for and thank you to everyone who has supported and encouraged me on this journey. Hoping you all have a blessed 2014!

One of the beautiful views in Boyacá

Expressions of my Age

 You’re always growing and learning about yourself, or at least I hope that I am. And coming to a new setting, context, country, and culture has highlighted several things about me that I had not thought about in a while.

The first thing that hit me after being here a bit, was how people view me based on how old I look. I’ve always looked younger than I am, and it’s always bugged me. People have always told me, “one day you’ll be happy you look younger.” And my typical response, “well I’m still waiting for that.”

Celebrating my birthday in Bogotá,
How old do I look?

I know, I know, I shouldn’t complain about this, I can just imagine everyone rolling their eyes as they read this. But it does bug me, and I’ve noticed it more in my first few months here. The reason this bothers me, is because when people think I’m several years younger than I am, I feel like they sometimes treat me differently. They look at me with incredulity and disbelief when I share what I’ve done, what experiences I’ve had. In shock they utter, “but you’re how old?” and after a while that gets tiring.

I think I’ve noticed this more in Colombia, because back home I had been in my role as youth pastor long enough that a lot of people knew me and what I was doing. They had gotten over their surprise that a young woman was a youth pastor. And now I feel like I’m sort of going through that again, meeting people and then watching them get over their surprise of my age.

So many people have asked me if I’m with an exchange program, or in the MCC two year program Seed. And I smile and say no, I’m a regular 3 year service worker. Yes, I was a youth pastor in Canada, and no I’m no longer in my early twenties. 

Another thing I’m relearning, or learning in a new way about me is how expressive I am. I’ve had several people tell me that I’m a very expressive person, and it’s true. This isn’t new to me, but it is something I’ve struggled with accepting in the past.

What I’m feeling is fairly easy to see in my facial expressions and body language. My excitement can be big, my laugh is loud, if I’m tired my eyes give it away, and when I’m not feeling well it shows. I’m quite expressive, without trying to be, I just am. And though I know there’s nothing wrong with that, there are times when I wish I wasn’t.

Expressively enjoying a park in Bogotá

Sometimes I wish I was better at hiding my feelings, I wish others couldn’t read me so easily. I’ve struggled with thinking this in Canada too, but now in Colombia I find myself going through this self-reflection again.

Maybe it’s because the Canadian culture is a bit more closed, and people don’t ask you so many things. Here it’s more acceptable to ask people, sometimes who you barely know, what Canadians would consider rather personal questions. It’s different and something that takes a bit getting used to. My reactions and responses to questions, sometimes share more than I would prefer.

But being expressive is part of who I am, and I don’t want to change that. Still, it’s a work in progress in accepting that at times and how that impacts my interactions and relationships in this culture. Oh the joys of learning about yourself ;)

Pan y Paz, Truth and Reconciliation

Some of the pan at church

Last weekend a lot was going on in my world. Here in Colombia the Mennonite Churches were celebrating Pan y Paz, Bread and Peace. In the MWC world, it was Peace Sunday. And In BC it was the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) event in Vancouver. Three different events, for most people completely separate, but for me they share many links.

Let me start with the TRC. If you haven’t heard about the TRC in Canada, here’s an introduction. I’d heard about this event coming to BC years ago. MCBC, my provincial church, has been preparing for it for quite some time, and I know numerous people who participated. I really wanted to participate, but plans changed and being in Bogotá does not lend itself to participating in Vancouver events.

I found a live stream online, and I thought I could watch some of it while working, but that was not a good plan. The small part I watched was so impactful, hearing people share of such deep and profound pain, I couldn’t listen to it while being in that setting. I’m glad the public record of everything that was shared is available online, so that I and anyone else who wasn’t able to be there can still see it.

Truth and Reconciliation. Hearing the painful truth of what has happened, so that we can work for reconciliation. Building relationships that acknowledge the hurt that has gone before, yet still have hope for the future.

This was going on in BC, and it was heavy on my mind, my heart and in my prayers here in Colombia. I’ve heard several people hear express that perhaps something similar to the TRC could help work for healing in the conflicts that have and continue to go on in Colombia. I still have much to learn about the complex context of Colombia, but it is clear that truth and reconciliation are needed in many ways.

Yet I am continually amazed at the Anabaptist churches, that I have come to know here, and the way they live out their faith in the Lord by sharing a holistic gospel. A gospel, a good news, that has its foundation in Christ alone, but doesn’t stay as only head knowledge, as only something felt personally. No, it is expressed by the hands and feet of the church, the people who are the church.

In the past year the MWC Peace Commission created a poster that says “Peace is gospel.” Peace is good news. I believe that peace is central, foundational, and integral to the gospel message of Jesus Christ, not an added-on theology that you can take or leave, but inseparable from who Jesus is. 

Heading to the concert.

And I’ve seen that lived out here in the Anabaptist churches, and got to experience it again with Pan y Paz. On Saturday, September 21, I spent the morning with two other MCCers in Soacha, the municipality just South of Bogotá. There we joined a Mennonite program called Creciendo Juntos (Growing Together) and their Pan y Paz celebrations. Creciendo Juntos is one of several Anabaptist programs and churches in Soacha. It is in a marginalized neighbourhood, with houses built on unstable hillsides because there is nowhere else to go, and displacement being the main cause most live there.

Creciendo Juntos works with the children of this community, and there are a lot. We saw many smiling faces. To celebrate Pan y Paz there were workshops, games, picking up garbage together, lunch, and a concert of local teens presenting their own rap songs. The reality these kids face every day is unlike any I have ever experienced. The stories and realities the staff of Creciendo Juntos encounter is challenging to say the least. Yet their smiles and joy show the presence of hope.

Group activity in Soacha

Getting ready for the concert.

The paper cranes for each person

Hope was also brought home to me in the worship service on Sunday morning at the Berna Mennonite Church. The sanctuary was filled with paper cranes, symbols of peace. In the middle of the sanctuary stood two tables, one filled with a paper crane for each person, and the other filled with bread we had brought with us.

Pan y Paz. Bread and Peace. Jesus is the source of our peace, and to have peace among each other, everyone needs to have enough to live, everyone needs bread. This is justice; that everyone has enough.

Worship Service at Berna

In the worship service we shared this bread with each other, making sure that everyone received bread. And after the service was done, in small groups people took the rest of bread out to the community around the church, and shared it with whoever they met.

Pan y Paz. Bread and Peace. Truth and Reconciliation. These were very different events, occurring in completely different parts of the world, in different languages. Yet to me the threads that tie them together are strong.

I see people coming together, listening and sharing from the heart, from the core of who they are. I see people living out the call to peace that is the gospel. Not just knowing and believing it, but living and walking with others. Humbling themselves to listen and walk the path of reconciliation and healing. Humbling themselves to share from what they have until we all have enough.

Problems and pain still abound, but there is hope. Our God is a great God. I am continually filled with awe at the ways the Holy Spirit is at work in the church and that gives me hope for pan y paz and truth and reconciliation.

Worshipping with the congregation

Messages and prayers of peace the congregation wrote.

With my paper crane

Worshipping together on the Sunday of Pan y Paz

The best and the worst

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” –Charles Dickens

So it may seem rather exaggerated to begin a post with a Dickens quote, a very well know Dickens quote (though I have read that entire book!). But it sums up for me rather well how the month of August has gone.

I may not be the most consistent blogger, but I have blogged at least once a month, every month in 2013, but not in August. I didn't forget; I chose not to.

August was a month of highs and of lows. Several good friends from the MCC/MWC team were traveling, I was alone in my apartment and I was feeling rather more homesick than normal.

In my family, August is a big birthday month, first my brother’s and then mine 15 days later. We always celebrate each person’s birthday. Not extravagantly, but by being together and doing something special for that person.

This was my first birthday in Colombia, and I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I knew it would be different, and that’s ok, but part of me worried that it would be lonely. I didn't want it to be a big deal, but I wanted to celebrate somehow. But I wasn't sure how to share that with others.

So let’s just say that I had some very low days. I knew they would pass, and they did, but it was a very hard time.

One of the beautiful views in Boyacá

But August was also the best of times! There were good moments throughout, and the second half of the month was a lot better. I got to go with another MCCer to visit a Colombian MCCer’s home and family farm in the department of Boyacá. It was a wonderful weekend where I took far too many photos. I just loved walking and hiking in the mountains so much!

Then my birthday came, and it was great. The weekend before some of my friends from church planned something for me, which was stupendous! I enjoyed myself so much with them, and can’t describe how much I appreciated that they celebrated with me. On the day of my birthday (a Monday) we celebrated at the office too, with lunch and a cake. I got to spend time with friends in the evening and got several phone calls.

Feeling more at home in this beautiful city of Bogotá

This description makes the month seem rather normal, and in many ways it was. And that’s part of the beauty of it. I feel more and more like my life here is normal. There are still countless ways that I’m adjusting and will continue to adjust, but it feels so good to have normalcy; to have found a church community where I feel at home; to have made Colombian friends I can share and do things with; to feel comfortable in my neighbourhood and my home.

I wanted to share honestly, about how my life is going, and that includes that some days last month, I just can’t describe how incredibly sad and low I felt. And that’s part of life, here or anywhere. Life is the hard and the good, the best and the worst. And so I give thanks that life is also full of joys and happiness. I give thanks for the community I have found here, through MCC and MWC, and also beyond in the church and in Bogotá. Words fail me to express how touched and blessed I feel for this gift of community, for the gift of all these relationships that I have. 

Culture Shock

Culture Shock (noun)

Dictionary.com - a state of bewilderment and distress experienced by an individual who is suddenly exposed to a new, strange, or foreign social and cultural environment.

Google - The feeling of disorientation experienced by someone who is suddenly subjected to an unfamiliar culture, way of life, or set of attitudes.

Almost from when I arrived people started asking me about “culture shock.” I don’t really like that question, because I find it hard to answer. At least I did, because the answer isn’t yes or no, it’s not just one sentence. To answer this question I need to think, reflect, and process what I have and am experiencing. And this means my answer, or at least parts of it, will change and grow as I do.

Hiking up to Monserrate (10,341 ft - 3,152 m)

This was also a hard question to answer, because when you first arrive somewhere, everything is exciting and new. There’s always more to discover. I was getting to know Bogotá, a new job, new co-workers, I was traveling to other parts of Colombia and beyond, and I moved into my own apartment and all the adventures that entailed. This time is also called the “honey moon stage.”

So, as you have probably guessed, I’ve been thinking about this for a while and am no longer in the ‘honey moon stage.’ That isn’t to say that I don’t find living in Bogotá exciting and enjoyable, but that I’m feeling more moments of culture shock, aka disorientation to unfamiliar things. And obviously there are many unfamiliar things.

I think I feel this most in social settings. I love getting to know people, going out and experiencing life here. Yet at the same time, whenever I’m with people, there always seems to be another awkward moment, and more questions, always rolling around in my brain. What’s the right greeting in this setting? What are they talking about? How am I supposed to act right now? Is that a joke, a compliment? What’s normal?  It’s trying to laugh at jokes when you don’t understand everything, and smile and nod at appropriate times when you’re not really catching what’s being said.

People are really gracious, and understand that Spanish isn’t my first language, and that I’m learning about Colombian life, but I get tired. It starts to feel cumbersome to be the one always asking, “What does that word mean?” To be the one that always needs every joke explained, and to have the doubts floating around as I wonder if I’m unknowingly offending someone. You don’t realize all the little unspoken things that everyone ‘just knows,’ until you’re in a new place and feel like you don’t know anything.

Even your personality changes a bit in another language, because you share your personality by how you express yourself. I’m no comedian but I have a sense of humour, sometimes sarcastic, and I enjoy some good one liners and word play. But in Spanish that completely changes. Most of the jokes I try to make fail miserably or fall flat. My vocabulary is greatly diminished, and at times I get frustrated with the inability to express myself the way I want, the way I can in English.

Hiking on the MCC retreat

All of this could sound rather negative, and yes there are moments when it gets me down. Yet, I am still so thankful for the many positive things in my life here. The MCC and MWC community that I get to be a part of is an incredible blessing. I’m making new friends (yay!), and getting to go out and experience different parts of Bogotá and other parts of Colombia. And even though my limitations in Spanish can frustrate me endlessly, I do think that my Spanish has improved since I arrived.

Culture shock is another step in living in and getting used to a new place. It’s not always easy, but I also know I’m not alone as I walk through it.

Thanks for reading this, and I hope it helps explain how I’m processing things right now.  I’d love to hear from you too! Have you experienced culture shock? What was it like for you?